MalamiteLtd
It stopped.
It's been a while since I posted art here. Even longer since it's been steady. A lot's been going on over the last few years...I don't really feel like going over any details. What matters is how it's how it's been affecting my artistic productivity.
In short, I'm just not feeling it anymore.
I've had a lot of ideas, a lot of little universes full of characters and stories that I really wanted to build something out of. They were all fun to imagine, but being able to present them in a way that would mean something to more than just me has been challenging. That imagination of mine is hyperactive, spinning yarns so fast a story seemed practically over and done before a word was ever put on paper. And I had attempted to to divulge aspects of what the stories were about through art of the characters. Geez, some of the descriptions were insanely wordy.
Anyway, I had done that for quite a long time--according to deviantART, over 15 years. And over all that time I introduced a lot of characters and settings, but rarely ever told a real story. There were a few moments: a goofy story of Pepper & Co. involved in a medieval adventure, a summary or two of older stories that I had since retired, and probably the most involved was a Pokemon fanfiction named "Project Darwin," which originated back in my first year of college, then later revisited and completed on a separate account. I've grown embarassed of that accomplishment and have since removed the account it was on.
Honestly, a lot of what I've made seems so...I can't think of another word besides "garbage" right now. It's probably not the correct word for me specifically to call it, but a lot of what I've seen from other artists makes me realize how ill-capable I am to make it anything more than just that. Trying to muster up an image from my mind and making it into something visible has usually been tough for me, and making it look particularly presentable usually ends with an image that has some color to it, and not a lot much else. Either my lack of patience or energy or both usually leave the images looking scratchy or weird in some way that even when I try to go back and fix some details, it's still not 100% what I had been thinking about.
And it feels like it's only gotten worse -- I've even tried the last couple of days to draw up something that'd spur me to make something worthwhile. At least one I threw into the scraps because my mind was still chugging away at an outlandish story and I was slightly impressed at what came out of it, rough as it was. But I hadn't really felt the compulsion to keep going. And that "story machine" in my head has been going at it for so long, I feel like the gears are starting to become loose -- ideas have started to made me question why they were headed in certain directions.
...The stories. "The Utopian Legend," "myHP," "The Last Solder." I did have beginnings, middles, and ends to each of them. They weren't fully detailed, but enough to assemble a rough narrative. I suppose the big problem would be how well any of them would be received. The Utopian Legend is a narrative that's been undergoing constant revision in my head for over a decade. Probably the longest story I thought up too, and it still seems to have a couple of big holes. Still, plenty of what it's made of are characters and concepts that originated from older ideas and/or worlds, and thinking of how much was "recycled" to put the cast together feels humiliating.
myHP is an interesting concept that was originally a side-story of another person's idea; my interpretation of their universe and how it worked seemed to be different from their own, and eventually it ended up breaking off into something completely separate. Seemingly a universe with a lot of video-game inspiration and tropes, it was fun to put together the stories of each main character and how they would change with all the goings-on. But for whatever reason, I just stopped looking into it. Maybe because once I felt the main story seemed "done" in my head I wasn't interesting in going further...? It would be hard to say who the story would be for. A bunch of middle-to-high schoolers and their teachers, wielding insane types of weaponry and pulling off things that normal folks in the real world couldn't get away with... even if the stories were valid for a younger audience, a lot of other details would probably raise some eyebrows.
And The Last Soldier...a pretty insane little mess. One disaster forces everyone on a small, enigmatic planet to start adjusting their habits and lives in order to prevent something even worse from happening. Some grounded in traditions, some focused on technological evolution... making allies and enemies from other planets that seem to solve problems and introduce new ones at the same time. Part of me kinda likes the concept. The other part of me is sure that the events that unfold aren't interesting enough to really divulge the story fully to everyone.
And I guess that's another factor -- I lost faith.
I'm various kinds of flawed, and a lot of it is not the "good" kind of flawed. Naturally, clinical depression and anxiety are two of the big ones; when you have both of those going on at the same time, it leaves you with little drive to think or act about much, but urgent feeling to think or act somehow, and it becomes tiring. Another seems to be my way of looking at things, including what I make: I usually focus on certain details rather than the subject as a whole, but my mind convinces me that those details are the most crucial to get right. I imagine that eventually enough detail-checking will cause me to lose focus of the whole picture...but I've seen so many instances of people banding together about small faults that it's hard to tell what to really focus on.
People. I lost faith in the world almost as much I have in myself. It feels like everything is spiralling into so much chaos that I can't trust how I should feel or react. I'd probably end up sounding and/or looking even more like an idiot if I do pretty much anything. I've already had discussions of minor things with friends and bringing up certain points that I thought I remembered correctly, only to realize things weren't quite what I remembered at all. If my thoughts and memories are that unreliable it's not wise to really get engaged in conversation anyway, especially not topics of real substance.
I feel subhuman.
It doesn't seem wise to keep trying at something I don't feel capable of doing anymore. To push out effort to create something that's valid to just me, only to feel unsatisfied and disappointed with the results almost every time...eventually, if not immediately. If I'm not happy with what I make, or happy just going through the process of making it, why keep going? If I have the free time to do something like that, and it's not the first or second thing I want to do with that free time, it can't even be called a hobby. At most, it's become "doodling." And a lot of the doodles I have aren't even worth sharing.
I know a fair bit of what I've said has probably been the depression talking. (Probably a lot of things I'm saying that aren't making sense along the way.) At one point I'd figure things would improve mentally or circumstantially and I'd be back to how things were, or close to it. But nowadays I'm not optimistic. Something more would've happened by now, some sign of improvement. It hasn't, and it's not looking like it's coming. I feel like the friends I've made here are going to be angry and disappointed by the things I've written here, and I can't really blame them for it. I feel like I've gotten to a point where motivation is completely gone. All the stuff I'd hoped to do, I can't.
I'm not sure what I want to do with this gallery right now. One tiny bit of me holds out hope that I may use it again, and that I shouldn't close it all up. But a bigger part of me believes that it's not worth keeping. So much old stuff from a younger, more foolish version of me. Back before I lost my confidence, my energy, and my drive. Just a collection of ideas and ambitions that never really went anywhere.
If anything changes, I'll let everyone know.
-- Malamite Ltd.
It stopped.
It's been a while since I posted art here. Even longer since it's been steady. A lot's been going on over the last few years...I don't really feel like going over any details. What matters is how it's how it's been affecting my artistic productivity.
In short, I'm just not feeling it anymore.
I've had a lot of ideas, a lot of little universes full of characters and stories that I really wanted to build something out of. They were all fun to imagine, but being able to present them in a way that would mean something to more than just me has been challenging. That imagination of mine is hyperactive, spinning yarns so fast a story seemed practically over and done before a word was ever put on paper. And I had attempted to to divulge aspects of what the stories were about through art of the characters. Geez, some of the descriptions were insanely wordy.
Anyway, I had done that for quite a long time--according to deviantART, over 15 years. And over all that time I introduced a lot of characters and settings, but rarely ever told a real story. There were a few moments: a goofy story of Pepper & Co. involved in a medieval adventure, a summary or two of older stories that I had since retired, and probably the most involved was a Pokemon fanfiction named "Project Darwin," which originated back in my first year of college, then later revisited and completed on a separate account. I've grown embarassed of that accomplishment and have since removed the account it was on.
Honestly, a lot of what I've made seems so...I can't think of another word besides "garbage" right now. It's probably not the correct word for me specifically to call it, but a lot of what I've seen from other artists makes me realize how ill-capable I am to make it anything more than just that. Trying to muster up an image from my mind and making it into something visible has usually been tough for me, and making it look particularly presentable usually ends with an image that has some color to it, and not a lot much else. Either my lack of patience or energy or both usually leave the images looking scratchy or weird in some way that even when I try to go back and fix some details, it's still not 100% what I had been thinking about.
And it feels like it's only gotten worse -- I've even tried the last couple of days to draw up something that'd spur me to make something worthwhile. At least one I threw into the scraps because my mind was still chugging away at an outlandish story and I was slightly impressed at what came out of it, rough as it was. But I hadn't really felt the compulsion to keep going. And that "story machine" in my head has been going at it for so long, I feel like the gears are starting to become loose -- ideas have started to made me question why they were headed in certain directions.
...The stories. "The Utopian Legend," "myHP," "The Last Solder." I did have beginnings, middles, and ends to each of them. They weren't fully detailed, but enough to assemble a rough narrative. I suppose the big problem would be how well any of them would be received. The Utopian Legend is a narrative that's been undergoing constant revision in my head for over a decade. Probably the longest story I thought up too, and it still seems to have a couple of big holes. Still, plenty of what it's made of are characters and concepts that originated from older ideas and/or worlds, and thinking of how much was "recycled" to put the cast together feels humiliating.
myHP is an interesting concept that was originally a side-story of another person's idea; my interpretation of their universe and how it worked seemed to be different from their own, and eventually it ended up breaking off into something completely separate. Seemingly a universe with a lot of video-game inspiration and tropes, it was fun to put together the stories of each main character and how they would change with all the goings-on. But for whatever reason, I just stopped looking into it. Maybe because once I felt the main story seemed "done" in my head I wasn't interesting in going further...? It would be hard to say who the story would be for. A bunch of middle-to-high schoolers and their teachers, wielding insane types of weaponry and pulling off things that normal folks in the real world couldn't get away with... even if the stories were valid for a younger audience, a lot of other details would probably raise some eyebrows.
And The Last Soldier...a pretty insane little mess. One disaster forces everyone on a small, enigmatic planet to start adjusting their habits and lives in order to prevent something even worse from happening. Some grounded in traditions, some focused on technological evolution... making allies and enemies from other planets that seem to solve problems and introduce new ones at the same time. Part of me kinda likes the concept. The other part of me is sure that the events that unfold aren't interesting enough to really divulge the story fully to everyone.
And I guess that's another factor -- I lost faith.
I'm various kinds of flawed, and a lot of it is not the "good" kind of flawed. Naturally, clinical depression and anxiety are two of the big ones; when you have both of those going on at the same time, it leaves you with little drive to think or act about much, but urgent feeling to think or act somehow, and it becomes tiring. Another seems to be my way of looking at things, including what I make: I usually focus on certain details rather than the subject as a whole, but my mind convinces me that those details are the most crucial to get right. I imagine that eventually enough detail-checking will cause me to lose focus of the whole picture...but I've seen so many instances of people banding together about small faults that it's hard to tell what to really focus on.
People. I lost faith in the world almost as much I have in myself. It feels like everything is spiralling into so much chaos that I can't trust how I should feel or react. I'd probably end up sounding and/or looking even more like an idiot if I do pretty much anything. I've already had discussions of minor things with friends and bringing up certain points that I thought I remembered correctly, only to realize things weren't quite what I remembered at all. If my thoughts and memories are that unreliable it's not wise to really get engaged in conversation anyway, especially not topics of real substance.
I feel subhuman.
It doesn't seem wise to keep trying at something I don't feel capable of doing anymore. To push out effort to create something that's valid to just me, only to feel unsatisfied and disappointed with the results almost every time...eventually, if not immediately. If I'm not happy with what I make, or happy just going through the process of making it, why keep going? If I have the free time to do something like that, and it's not the first or second thing I want to do with that free time, it can't even be called a hobby. At most, it's become "doodling." And a lot of the doodles I have aren't even worth sharing.
I know a fair bit of what I've said has probably been the depression talking. (Probably a lot of things I'm saying that aren't making sense along the way.) At one point I'd figure things would improve mentally or circumstantially and I'd be back to how things were, or close to it. But nowadays I'm not optimistic. Something more would've happened by now, some sign of improvement. It hasn't, and it's not looking like it's coming. I feel like the friends I've made here are going to be angry and disappointed by the things I've written here, and I can't really blame them for it. I feel like I've gotten to a point where motivation is completely gone. All the stuff I'd hoped to do, I can't.
I'm not sure what I want to do with this gallery right now. One tiny bit of me holds out hope that I may use it again, and that I shouldn't close it all up. But a bigger part of me believes that it's not worth keeping. So much old stuff from a younger, more foolish version of me. Back before I lost my confidence, my energy, and my drive. Just a collection of ideas and ambitions that never really went anywhere.
If anything changes, I'll let everyone know.
-- Malamite Ltd.
It stopped.
It's been a while since I posted art here. Even longer since it's been steady. A lot's been going on over the last few years...I don't really feel like going over any details. What matters is how it's how it's been affecting my artistic productivity.
In short, I'm just not feeling it anymore.
I've had a lot of ideas, a lot of little universes full of characters and stories that I really wanted to build something out of. They were all fun to imagine, but being able to present them in a way that would mean something to more than just me has been challenging. That imagination of mine is hyperactive, spinning yarns so fast a story seemed practically over and done before a word was ever put on paper. And I had attempted to to divulge aspects of what the stories were about through art of the characters. Geez, some of the descriptions were insanely wordy.
Anyway, I had done that for quite a long time--according to deviantART, over 15 years. And over all that time I introduced a lot of characters and settings, but rarely ever told a real story. There were a few moments: a goofy story of Pepper & Co. involved in a medieval adventure, a summary or two of older stories that I had since retired, and probably the most involved was a Pokemon fanfiction named "Project Darwin," which originated back in my first year of college, then later revisited and completed on a separate account. I've grown embarassed of that accomplishment and have since removed the account it was on.
Honestly, a lot of what I've made seems so...I can't think of another word besides "garbage" right now. It's probably not the correct word for me specifically to call it, but a lot of what I've seen from other artists makes me realize how ill-capable I am to make it anything more than just that. Trying to muster up an image from my mind and making it into something visible has usually been tough for me, and making it look particularly presentable usually ends with an image that has some color to it, and not a lot much else. Either my lack of patience or energy or both usually leave the images looking scratchy or weird in some way that even when I try to go back and fix some details, it's still not 100% what I had been thinking about.
And it feels like it's only gotten worse -- I've even tried the last couple of days to draw up something that'd spur me to make something worthwhile. At least one I threw into the scraps because my mind was still chugging away at an outlandish story and I was slightly impressed at what came out of it, rough as it was. But I hadn't really felt the compulsion to keep going. And that "story machine" in my head has been going at it for so long, I feel like the gears are starting to become loose -- ideas have started to made me question why they were headed in certain directions.
...The stories. "The Utopian Legend," "myHP," "The Last Solder." I did have beginnings, middles, and ends to each of them. They weren't fully detailed, but enough to assemble a rough narrative. I suppose the big problem would be how well any of them would be received. The Utopian Legend is a narrative that's been undergoing constant revision in my head for over a decade. Probably the longest story I thought up too, and it still seems to have a couple of big holes. Still, plenty of what it's made of are characters and concepts that originated from older ideas and/or worlds, and thinking of how much was "recycled" to put the cast together feels humiliating.
myHP is an interesting concept that was originally a side-story of another person's idea; my interpretation of their universe and how it worked seemed to be different from their own, and eventually it ended up breaking off into something completely separate. Seemingly a universe with a lot of video-game inspiration and tropes, it was fun to put together the stories of each main character and how they would change with all the goings-on. But for whatever reason, I just stopped looking into it. Maybe because once I felt the main story seemed "done" in my head I wasn't interesting in going further...? It would be hard to say who the story would be for. A bunch of middle-to-high schoolers and their teachers, wielding insane types of weaponry and pulling off things that normal folks in the real world couldn't get away with... even if the stories were valid for a younger audience, a lot of other details would probably raise some eyebrows.
And The Last Soldier...a pretty insane little mess. One disaster forces everyone on a small, enigmatic planet to start adjusting their habits and lives in order to prevent something even worse from happening. Some grounded in traditions, some focused on technological evolution... making allies and enemies from other planets that seem to solve problems and introduce new ones at the same time. Part of me kinda likes the concept. The other part of me is sure that the events that unfold aren't interesting enough to really divulge the story fully to everyone.
And I guess that's another factor -- I lost faith.
I'm various kinds of flawed, and a lot of it is not the "good" kind of flawed. Naturally, clinical depression and anxiety are two of the big ones; when you have both of those going on at the same time, it leaves you with little drive to think or act about much, but urgent feeling to think or act somehow, and it becomes tiring. Another seems to be my way of looking at things, including what I make: I usually focus on certain details rather than the subject as a whole, but my mind convinces me that those details are the most crucial to get right. I imagine that eventually enough detail-checking will cause me to lose focus of the whole picture...but I've seen so many instances of people banding together about small faults that it's hard to tell what to really focus on.
People. I lost faith in the world almost as much I have in myself. It feels like everything is spiralling into so much chaos that I can't trust how I should feel or react. I'd probably end up sounding and/or looking even more like an idiot if I do pretty much anything. I've already had discussions of minor things with friends and bringing up certain points that I thought I remembered correctly, only to realize things weren't quite what I remembered at all. If my thoughts and memories are that unreliable it's not wise to really get engaged in conversation anyway, especially not topics of real substance.
I feel subhuman.
It doesn't seem wise to keep trying at something I don't feel capable of doing anymore. To push out effort to create something that's valid to just me, only to feel unsatisfied and disappointed with the results almost every time...eventually, if not immediately. If I'm not happy with what I make, or happy just going through the process of making it, why keep going? If I have the free time to do something like that, and it's not the first or second thing I want to do with that free time, it can't even be called a hobby. At most, it's become "doodling." And a lot of the doodles I have aren't even worth sharing.
I know a fair bit of what I've said has probably been the depression talking. (Probably a lot of things I'm saying that aren't making sense along the way.) At one point I'd figure things would improve mentally or circumstantially and I'd be back to how things were, or close to it. But nowadays I'm not optimistic. Something more would've happened by now, some sign of improvement. It hasn't, and it's not looking like it's coming. I feel like the friends I've made here are going to be angry and disappointed by the things I've written here, and I can't really blame them for it. I feel like I've gotten to a point where motivation is completely gone. All the stuff I'd hoped to do, I can't.
I'm not sure what I want to do with this gallery right now. One tiny bit of me holds out hope that I may use it again, and that I shouldn't close it all up. But a bigger part of me believes that it's not worth keeping. So much old stuff from a younger, more foolish version of me. Back before I lost my confidence, my energy, and my drive. Just a collection of ideas and ambitions that never really went anywhere.
If anything changes, I'll let everyone know.
-- Malamite Ltd.
Post-Kazuya
So the presentation had ended, and the character arrives tomorrow. How close was I in my assumptions?...
* I was incorrect about "Attack 1 and Attack 2," for the most part. Most B moves are considered Specials, with the exception of the "Spinning Demon to Left Hook," which incorporates the Shoryuken input and B. And the Skoryuken maneuver is accompanied by DF, Down, DF (I'm not sure if it is also a real Street Fighter input). But the use of all cardinal directions for attacks, at least on the ground, was spot on; there is a back-ground, as well as two diagonal back-grounds.
* Those aforementioned Specials used the Devil form, in addition to the other moves I mentioned before. The Devil Blaster, as it's apparently called, is just B rather than A+B. But as assumed, it's not the primary mechanic so much as it's added flair.
* Rage is indeed the special mechanic: a once-per-stock status incorporating an attack boost and the Rage Drive (I mistakenly named it a Rage Art). Apparently lesser circumstances can remove the Rage status.
* Only Heihachi can be found in the Mishima Dojo; no extra characters seem to appear.
* Just two major costume designs for Kazuya, with four colors each; unsurprisingly, one of the suit color options is purple.
* Got a lot of music - 39 songs. 9 of them I had on my hopeful list:
T6 - Karma (Remix)
T7 - Dojo (Remix)
I mentioned how I pared my choices down from a longer list; a few of those omitted choices made it in too:
T3 - Hwoarang
T3 - Heihachi (Arrange)
T4 - Kitsch
T5 - Red Hot Fist
T5 - Poolside
T5DR - RESURRECTION
T6 - Only One Fight
T6BR - Dist Thins Out (Remix)
T7 - Moonsiders 1st (Remix)
* Lloyd returned as a Mii costume as expected. No additional Tekken costumes, though.
It'll be interesting to see if Kazuya's Tekken-style moves work out in Smash. He has quite a bit of muscle to his moves, but getting some to connect just right may be a challenge, and making combos from said moves will be even more so, especially since many of them are pretty short-range.
But there's only one character left to reveal, and that will be it for new fighters. It'll probably be revealed or known by late November, if I were to assume; they've mentioned the fighter's pass content will all be complete by the very end of the year. What I don't know is whether other types of content will be made available later on, like individual stages or music packs; that's just hopeful thinking, though.
-- Malamite Ltd.
Kazuya
So Kazuya got announced for Smash. Been watching folks' reaction videos, amazing how many folks were calling out "Jin" when he has yet to throw someone off a cliff. But if anyone were to represent Tekken, it was going to be either Kazuya or Heihachi, and with the Devil Gene at his disposal it seemed like Kazuya had the most potential between them.
At the moment the details are either unclear or unknown, but these are currently my assumptions regarding Kazuya:
* Rather than A for Attack and B for Special, they likely laid out A for Attack 1 and B for Attack 2. We're probably gonna see Tekken-esque inputs, which are like Smash but with more cardinal directions + A and/or B. And considering some have mentioned auto-turnaround with Kazuya, which is not a thing in Tekken, that means expect at least a "back-ground" to go with a back-air. If there's anything Street Fighter-esque about Kazuya, at least two moves use a version of the "shoryuken" direction input. But that's it.
* Devil Kazuya looks to appear with certain moves: a taunt, a throw, mid-air jump, Final Smash, and what looks like the three smash attacks. One other move, which uses the laser attack forward, is probably gonna be performed by pressing A and B together. In any case, this seems like base-level actions trigger the transformation, and is not tied to any actual mechanic.
* Rage is Kazuya's special mechanic, where he's surrounded by a red aura. Usually attained when at low health, Rage raises attack power in Tekken, so it's safe to assume it's true here as well. A Rage Art move appears to be available (a powerful grapple move which also uses the Devil form), and typically when this sort of move is performed the Rage effect will end. With the exception of Tag Tournament 2, Rage only happens once per round, so maybe you'll only see it once per stock?
* Heihachi is present in the Mishima Dojo stage, which originates from Tekken 7; odds are we will see Jin there as well. Perhaps also Jack(s) and Kazumi...maybe even Akuma?
* They currently only show two outfits for Kazuya; both from Tekken 7, though the karate outfit design has been present in Tekken 5. I assume his purple suit from Tekken 2 will also be available in some form, at least in spirit. But considering more recent Tekken titles allow some deep and even outlandish customization, we could see practically anything as alternate costumes. Maybe even the Hammerhead hairstyle.
* We're getting Tekken music. We already hear the original Kazuya theme from Tekken 2 as well as a new remix, as well as the character select music of Tekken 3. I can only hope Bandai Namco feels as generous as SNK and offers plenty of tracks to go with Kazuya; if they only offered the whole soundtrack of Tekken 5 I'd be content, but Tekken's got a lot of good music... it's a strong wish. Music I really want to see included:
T3 - King (Arrange)
T3 - Ogre/True Ogre (Arrange)
TTT - Law (Original or Arrange)
T4 - Bit Crusher
T5 - I'm Here Now (Remix) (or T7's remix)
T5 - Formless Like Water
T5 - Gold Rush
T5 - Martial Symphony Opus 5
T5DR - Amnesia
T6 - Blowin' Up the Enemy
TTT2 - Opening
TTT2 - Mystic Force
T7 - A Grain of Sand
* That was a lot, I'm sorry. Believe it or not, this was actually pared down.
* We haven't seen the Lloyd Mii costume yet, so it's probably gonna be released alongside Kazuya. on that note, I wouldn't be surprised if Mokujin was also a Mii Costume, and considering the nature of the character, it could be applied to all three Mii Fighters.
Alright, this ended up being a lot to put together. You can probably tell I'm a little excited; just had to get this out of my system. It's a "for me" journal entry, I don't expect any real reaction or response.
June 28th will be when I find out which of my suspicions are confirmed.
-- Malamite Ltd.